sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
