Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
