Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
