i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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