I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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