i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
