I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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