He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Farmville is her only friend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
