After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
