Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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