she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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