Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
