hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
