yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
