He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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