will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
