Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
