i think my tv is drunk
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
