I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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