There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
