tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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