if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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