we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
