Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
