well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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