Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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