Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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