You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
