atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
