did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
