you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
