I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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