Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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