Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
