u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
