I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
