We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
