Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
