I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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