zippers are such a cool invention
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
