i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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