the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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