I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So. Much. Porn.
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