they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
