Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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