How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
