Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
