he told me I talked like a deaf person
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
