Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this beer tastes like vomit already
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
