I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
