There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
