Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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